I am still reeling from the fear that I felt when I heard about the mass shooting at a Christian school in Nashville. Today, I woke up to the news that there was a mass shooting that took place downtown Louisville. 

As a Christian counselor, I am trained to help people process difficult emotions like fear and anger. But today, the “debate” on gun control hit too close to home and I cannot seem to process my own emotions. 

I come from a country where there is active war going on. For most of my life, I felt safe even in when I occassionally heard news of bombings and kidnappings in the Southern Philippines. My young brain protected me by dissociating with the reality that there is war in my country, and that my fellow Filipinos are dying fighting this war. 

Perhaps the same mental protection is active in my brain whenever I hear mass shooting took place in a state that is not near me. However with war, you kind of have an idea of places where you should not go if you don’t want to be caught between the military and the terrorists. There are clear battle lines. 

Then it hit my city’s downtown. My brain could not process the arbritary “battle” lines anymore. Before this morning I already notice that my body tenses up whenever I would go to a mall, or whenever I go to the movie house, both places where mass shooting have happened in the past. 

How do I process these emotions in a healthy way?

Here are some unhealthy ways I could do it. 

1. Apathy and dissociate: I can live my life denying that it affects me. I can spiritually by-pass. I can say, “it is what it is.” But I also know that the body keeps score. Fear and anger have ways of demanding me to process. 
2. Anger that leads to hatred:  I can easily turn it into a political debate. I can blame people. I can verbally attack the “other” side. But I also know that DOES NOT work. 
3. Live in paralyzing fear: I can move to the middle of nowhere, or maybe move back to the Phlippines. 

Here are some healthy ways I could do it: 

1. Slow down and hug my loved ones: I did this right away this morning.
2. Grieve with the people who lost their loved ones: I cannot imagine how they feel. My gut reaction is to pray for God to comfort them. 
3. Grieve for my mortality: I can accept the reality of my mortality. It could’ve been me. It could’ve been my husband. I dwell on the thought of dying a lot since I do grief counseling every week. This juncture is an opportunity for me to feel the reality of death and be at peace with my mortality. 
4. Anger that leads to crying out for justice:  I know that God is still good, and that He is still a God of justice. He will not evil deeds to go unpunished. The Pslams have a lot of verses that could help me with this step. There is accountability coming for people. (see book: Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy)
5. Live in the peace that passeth all understanding: My soul is safe in Jesus. Thankfully we just celebrated Easter. I am reminded that Jesus already counqured death and I will one day rise again with Him. 

I am aware that people die everyday. I know that this won’t be the first and last mass shooting that would take place in my city. I also know that it will only get worse. There is no one factor that has brought America to this state of chaos. Solutions are complex. 

Hence, I need these skills if I want to have a health well-being. 

If you need some help processing your own emotions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I can help you or I can give you some resources to help you. 

Photo by Jared Weber